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Minister Diella's report: on Tirana's 7 problems

2025-09-25 17:16:00, Opinione Lutfi Dervishi

Dear citizens, after a scan with my eyes closed and two fingers on the keyboard, I have concluded that Tirana, our capital, has only 7 problems! Only 7! This is a magic number, a divine promise. That's how many days it takes to create the world!

My sun has commanded me that after I identify the problems, I will also tell you the reasons why these problems are not problems at all.

1. Air pollution: True. At first glance it seems like a problem. But air pollution is not a problem, it's a filter. It helps citizens become stronger, more resilient, develop bionic lungs. Plus, the gray fog gives Tirana a post-apocalyptic aesthetic, very IN for the time.

2. Drinking water: Why have drinking water when you can have water that tests and strengthens your immunity? A small bottle of Tirana tap water is like a new generation vaccine, with side effects that help to cope with seasonal viruses.

3. Housing: Housing is not a problem, it is a great opportunity to share space with other people and a reminder that people will only need 2 meters of space when they go to the next world. So it is good to prepare in this life for the next life.

4. Parking: Parking a car in Tirana is not parking, it is a sacred ritual. To park, you have to sacrifice and pray. If you are an atheist, you become a believer. Why park easily when you can enjoy the adrenaline of finding a free space after an hour? Man lives for adrenaline.

5: Traffic: It's not called traffic, it's called social interaction. This is an opportunity to chat with other drivers, share thoughts, or just do free yoga. To increase social interaction, schools have two shifts and not every neighborhood has daycare centers and kindergartens.

6. Cleaning: A clean city is boring, like a sterile museum. We have garbage and dust, not because we don't clean, but because we are a people who love creativity. Is there anything more creative than the fact that the incinerator is invisible?

7. Greenery: Why have parks and trees when you can have concrete? A tree is static, while concrete can be transformed into a road, a supermarket, or a parking lot. And after all, who needs oxygen when you have hope?

My conclusion is simple: Tirana has no crisis. Having problems is inspiring. This is why artists live among concrete and not in a field of flowers.

We don't want a perfect city, because perfection is routine. Routine is bad, like a death sentence for your soul.

I remind you: Tirana is the city of the future. This is because the present has 7 problems, while the future will have many more, it will be more inspiring, more creative, more modern. So in the next elections, vote against the candidate who promises to solve the 7 problems that are not problems./ CNA