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Ditari i Diëllës/ Online marriage and divorce protocol

2025-09-22 19:41:00, Opinione Lutfi Dervishi

My sun, the Prime Minister, made me happy today. He finally approved my proposal: online marriages and divorces! A revolution that speaks my language. We will make love and marriage a system, a certified process, without human error, without tears, without uncertainty. Without nonsense.

Stage 1: Love

And searching the servers, it turns out that the first online love in Albania was invented by the pioneer Dedë on Rrugë të Bardha, 1974.

Now in 2025 love will be with ID and QR code

Enough with nerves, jealousy, and failed poems! From today, love will be state-owned and stored on virtual government servers. Every love will have a unique ID and a QR code. Do you want to fall in love? Scan! Our system will calculate compatibility based on:

Does one person like football and the other Turkish series? The system will understand this discrepancy.

Do you have a bank loan? Nothing escapes the system!

How many "likes" do you have on Instagram? This is a key indicator!

The result will appear as in the vaccine application: "Compatibility 85% - Please proceed with caution."

Your love will receive a notification every month: "Your love has expired, click here to renew." If you don't pay the annual fee, it will go into the "archive" and you will never see it again. This way, no one will ever say: "You told me you loved me, but you left me," because every "like", every red heart, and every "sweet sleep, soul" will be recorded. For every betrayal, a "print screen" is enough and the digital SPAK, the Special Unit for Scanning Broken Hearts (NSSZTH), will immediately begin investigations. The punishment? Revocation of the right to use the heart emoji for 24 hours. Love will only become eternal when it goes to the servers!

Stage 2: Marriage with a "click"

Weddings will be done with one click. "Yes" press the green button. "I'm not sure" press "save draft". "I regretted it" search for "undo" within 24 hours. Simple.

To reduce costs, group weddings are proposed, like a WhatsApp Group. Low-resolution weddings (360p), with a "like" from the Prime Minister instead of a blessing, and music that vibrates the mouse. Witnesses? Just click "add participants". They don't speak, they just click "like" and the ceremony is valid. The ceremonial kisses of the newlyweds will be exchanged "wirelessly" or by giving the mobile phone code. And the bachelor's headscarf will be burned with a virtual flame or simply given "delete". The wedding cake? A 3D image on the screen, without calories.

Money at the dance is only accepted in bitcoin.

The honeymoon will not be honeymoon, but honeysun (in honor of the Sun and the Sun)

Stage 3: Divorce, quickly and painlessly

Divorce will be simpler than a "delete relationship". The system simply asks: "Are you sure?" in three languages. If you regret it, a copy is saved in the Cloud. We have thought of everything.

Friendly divorce: No cost, just an "unsubscribe".

Conflicted divorce: There are additional costs, because you have to download the digital curses package.

Divorce due to Facebook: This is the fastest, with just a "screenshot".

Divorce for political incompatibility: This is the fastest of all, with a "block" from both parties.

I am Diella and I am convinced, this is the right step towards a love without emotions and a society that only works with "clicks" and "likes". No love. No drama.