Public marriage proposals are not romantic but a form of coercion towards women

2023-08-17 20:21:00, Kuriozitete Guy Walters

I remember very well the first time I witnessed a public marriage proposal. My wife and I went out for Valentine's Day dinner (back when we still did such things). We went to a very fancy and expensive restaurant in the Chelsea area of ??London (back when we still had pocket money). this thing).

At one point we saw a man get down on one knee, holding a ring in his hand that he gave to his partner at the table, who obviously wanted to be his wife. I remember it so vividly because he had a dirty mustache and was wearing an ugly baggy suit - we had just come out of the 1990s - and I also remember very well the woman's reaction, which was shocked.

After a few seconds that seemed like hours, she said "yes". Because we were in an extremely posh and expensive restaurant in Chelsea, instead of applause, the only reaction from the audience came from an elderly woman who said with some irony "By God, enough of these scenes!".

At the time, I thought that comment was distasteful, maybe even downright rude. But in retrospect I think it was absolutely right. Public proposals are a real disgrace and the men who do them - and it's always them - should be banned once and for all.

I would go further in my criticism and demand that these people be forced to undergo some kind of therapy, as such behavior is a serious warning sign and indicator of all kinds of psychological problems, which should be treated with emergency.

If you are part of social networks, then you will regularly see such public proposals and understand that they follow the same pattern. Take the example recently posted by Dublin Airport on Instagram, complete with the sweet caption “Love is in the air at Dublin Airport!”.

The video shows a flight attendant entering the arrivals hall, and a young man gives her some cheap flowers. Aware of what is about to happen, those present start clapping and cheering. The man then opens the small bag he was carrying under his arm - how stylish! - and took out from there a small white box, which apparently contained a ring, and knelt down.

What happens next is familiar to many, a moment seen in every video of public marriage proposals. The woman is surprised and pulls back. In the present case it was pulled 5 times until it reached a distance of about 2 meters or maybe more.

Then she did something else that is common in all these videos, she covered her face with her hands. There is a pause and then he accepts the proposal. This is followed by more applause from the crowd, a hug between the couple, and then the third usual element: the man waves to the spectators of this scene.

This ghastly choreography is almost identical to what was recently seen in a video posted on Twitter by the University of Newcastle, where a student is seen proposing to his girlfriend just before she receives her degree on stage.

It's the same steps back, hands over face, and then the smug man waving to the crowd, who are applauding him. And you don't even need to be a body language expert to understand what's going on. The woman is placed by the man in a state of shock and acute public embarrassment.

Her ability to reject the proposal is almost entirely compromised by the presence of so many onlookers. But for this reason, her freedom to choose has been reduced to a very large extent. It's not hard to see how some men who do this to women may be practicing coercive control, and any smart person would bet that such men are very manipulative.

Elementi tjetër shqetësues është narcisizmi i dukshëm mashkullor. Duke bërë publik një akt privat, burra të tillë po e bëjnë ngjarjen si një pjesë teatrale, ndonëse atje ka pranuar të shfaqet vetëm gjysma e “kastit”. Ai që duhet të jetë një moment intim midis dy të barabartëve, është shndërruar në një performancë që në thelb ka të bëjë vetëm me burrin.

Në këtë skenë gruaja ka thjesht një rol mbështetës. Kjo është veçanërisht e vërtetë në rastin e ceremonisë së diplomës, në të cilën roli kryesor i gruas që po bëhej gati të merrte diplomën në skenë u uzurpua plotësisht, dhe u shndërrua në një rol shumë të ndryshëm në një pjesë shumë të ndryshme teatri nga një akt egoizmi suprem.

Menaxherët e mediave sociale të vendeve të tilla si Aeroporti i Dublinit dhe Universiteti i Njukassëlit, duhet të jenë të vetëdijshëm se këto propozime publike janë larg nga të qenit shumë popullore. Videoja e Dublinit është parë 17.7 milionë herë në Instagram, por ka mbledhur vetëm 1.2 milionë pëlqime, gjë që më nxit të mendoj se 90 për qind e shikuesve nuk u pëlqeu ajo që panë.

Unë nuk mund të bëj të njëjtën analizë me videon e propozimit gjatë ceremonisë së diplomimit, sepse vetë Universiteti i Njukasëllit e ka fshirë postimin e tij për shkak të shumë kundërshtimeve dhe kritikave. Videoja e vetme e propozimit publik që dëshiroj të shoh ndonjëherë, është ajo në të cilën gruaja thotë “jo”.

And not only that, but where she publicly reprimands the man for putting her in such an awkward position. I hope a video like this goes viral, and makes some men realize that there is a big difference between taking control of a situation and taking control of a person. The motives behind a public marriage proposal may be romantic, but ultimately they are the very opposite of what true love means./ Adapted from CNA