What parents who adopt a child should know and prepare

2023-08-31 15:15:00, Sociale Lira Gjika

What parents who adopt a child should know and prepare

Illustrative photo

The adopted child comes to the new family with the painful feeling of being rejected and abandoned. Although not articulated in words, the child has experienced abandonment, since he failed to try and build the mother-child bond after birth.

This connection is built through the contact of the mother's body and breast, through her warm and caressing voice, so the child feels the welcome of what held him in his body and gave him life.

This type of "treatment", the child abandoned at birth, as it continues to happen in our country, does not try. And this denial causes the abandoned child not to build what specialists call the "primary bond" that plays a special role for human mental health.

However, man, even though he is abandoned at the beginning of life, is not so fragile. Clinging to life is a special characteristic of children in general and of abandoned children in particular. Although the adapted child lives with the fear that the abandonment may be repeated as well as the difficulty of becoming attached to the adapting parents, he or she still succeeds, as this fear can fade and disappear with time.

Adoptive parents who have made this decision, have thought about it and will do everything like any parent to win the child's trust. They, the parents, showing patience and giving the child all the love he or she needs so much, will give it the right time, without being annoyed or ashamed that their child is different, until the child really to become and feel part of the family.

Often these children are considered very difficult, with socialization problems or with abnormal behavior. I think it's more prejudice than truth.

From my personal experience I have encountered difficult children raised by their biological parents and surrounded by their blood people and adopted children whose behavior and sensitivity to others was to be envied.

In fact, the adopted child has every right in the world to express the pain, doubt and anger that he feels within himself, and of course he will share this with his parents. He or she has serious experiences that leave scars on the child's soul and like any serious wound, it requires a lot of care and continuous treatment until it is completely healed.

Maybe the mark will remain, but the pain will no longer be there and the child will be a problem-free, healthy adult who is the master of himself. And for this journey, of the child's acceptance of the family and getting to know the parents to be as successful and healthy as possible, the truth must be told from the beginning: that another woman spared her life, but that she was not ready to become a mother and these two parents who couldn't have children, looked for him and found him and have their child inside their soul like any other parent.

Parents, you who adopt children and who do such a great work, do not begin it with lies and fear, but with the courage of a parent who loves his child very much.