Sunday Story/Panty Police

2024-02-25 15:46:00, Kulturë Agim Xhafka

Journalist Agim Xhafka

When I'm in Korça, I start the morning with a walk through the alleys of the neighborhood and beyond. I start from the former bar "Valbona" ??and drowning in memories and nostalgia, I don't understand when I reach e.g. at Çezma e Azma, right in the navel of the city at that time. I shake my head and as I command myself to turn around, I switch gears. Get some rest, man! I sat on a big stone and I was surprised that I didn't feel cold. But I was greeted by a shout:

- Someone, my someone, did you wash your panties with?

There was a man's voice as if scratched with glass.

- I washed them, I washed them. Here are some of them.

Hey, two old men who talk about panties and the middle of the square! The korcars have developed so much that for such talk, they are talking to the young people of Tirana, I was babbling to myself. I wanted to run away, but I also laughed curiously to learn the adventure of the elders.

-Vasil, you got the garbage bags ready, didn't you?

They call the man Vasil, I said. He was silent for a while, then he left, entered the house, came out and threw a bunch of bags at Ditka's feet. They looked like household garbage.

- How many bags did you have, huh?

-Eight.

Since I didn't see human feet around, I was surprised that two people made such rubbish. They don't collect them for a week and take them out on certain days to be taken by the municipality, I thought. Because in America, where I live for half a year, this is how it is done.

- How many bags did you have yesterday?

- Even yesterday there were eight churches, - answered Vasili.

Wow, wow, they will have a kindergarten, a house, or a night tavern, a hostel they say today. I got a high fever out of curiosity. Meanwhile, he went home, Ditka came from there with a basket full of clothes.

- You brought your panties, did you?

- Yes.

-How many pieces do you have?

- There are 12 pairs.

Well done Ditka, Ditka how to hold her own, I thought.

- Without seeing them, - said Vasili.

The old woman reached into the canister, took out a pair of white ones.

- It opened with, opened the flags. Do you have Calvin Klein?

After this question I rolled my eyes. They were so ahead of their age that they looked like they came down from Mars.

-Calvin, I have Calvin. Look, you blackened!

And Ditka brought her white panties to Vasili's nose. The situation became heated, took an erotic note. These are going to be crazy, I said, and when I got up, I saw that they were men's panties.

- Here, read this too!

I see again that Ditka was bringing men's panties to Vasili. So all 12 parties. The conversation stopped. I couldn't understand two elderly people carrying 8 garbage bags and 12 pairs of panties between their legs!!! Get up and walk, my mind told me. Nothing fits in your bag, so leave. Yes, but curiosity had caught my shoes like the poison when I entered the barrel in those childhood days. Vasili and Ditka seemed to understand that I was watching them, so they lowered their voices. Rather, they communicated with glances. I waited a bit and couldn't wait. I approached him.

- I'm tired of this work of panties and garbage bags. Give me an explanation because it looks like an arithmetic problem that I can't find the solution to. Vasili, as investigator Njaziu, looked at me as if he was doing an ultrasound scan. Without Ditka he asked me:

- How long have you been sitting on this sofa?

- It's about an hour, - I told him.

- Have you noticed someone passing by?

-No.

- During the day, there are no human legs. Think of the night. Now you understand, he said.

In fact, I didn't understand anything. But when I shrugged my shoulders, Ditka spoke.

- Vasili and I are the only ones left in this alley. He has a house next to mine. So, only two houses breathe. Others have fled across the world. That's why we do the work of the private police.

I laughed at that moment. Private police two old men.

-Do not laugh. We don't have the age, but we have the methods. Really refined.

As soon as Vasili heard the word method, he entered the conversation. It should be understood that he is the commander of this private police.

- As soon as the thieves learned that the houses around here are empty, they started to steal. We threw stones at them several nights to scare them, but they were like hyenas. They didn't shine. Then we put garbage bags on the door of every three houses before it seems that there are squatters living there. While at the trash-free homes, we honored men's panties. I mean that the brave of the families were out, but they came and after taking a shower, they washed their panties and honored them.

He looked at me triumphantly. And he was not wrong. A method that will give results.

-But why Calvin Klein panties? - I asked him jokingly.

- To make them believe that the boys came from Greece, not from the surrounding villages. There was no reason for them to go that far for ordinary panties.

It was almost two hours, and only we three Korcars were breathing in that alley. I was about to cry. How did we get like this? We decreased as a people and thieves are increasing? I walked into a deserted store and bought a case of beers. A total of 24 cans. I gave it to Vasili.

- I don't drink alcohol, - he said.

-If you don't drink it, spill it all. But he put the empty jugs in the garbage bags so that the thieves would understand that our boys have come from Greece, had a good shower, changed their panties, and enjoyed themselves with beers.

I ran away because the sobs were choking me. I left my Korca's two private policemen laughing. "Calvin Klein" cops...